New Day, Old Diary.


I was going to write my New Years resolutions up here in … all their glory and hopefulness…
However I decided instead to go backwards. Not forwards.

Last night, a friend and I re-read my old diaries in my purple beachside bed.

I have a few.


We laughed at my squiggles and my mid-life crisis at 12, when I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted a husband and if my friends were stupid or not.

We chatted for awhile about my poem at 15 questioning religion and reading “And on the seventh day, God created Man. But on the first, when time began, Man created God. And that is the raw unthinkable I have taught myself to think.”

Then we found my belief statement. At almost seventeen. 10 years ago. I am proud to say that little inquisitive teenager has somehow stuck by me over this decade and although I haven’t read these words in years… I have tried to live them.

Happy New Years everyone. Go gently. Maybe we don’t always need a fresh start . Maybe we just need to keep on swimming.



  1. Maccabros

    I have taught myself to think…

    That is a magnificent way to say or to explain how you “came to life”

    I have already my old diaries and you are right – it’s funny but also interesting, to read about my “old” thoughts and feelings and what was it, all those years ago.

    What were my opinions about life, the future or the world as a “younger one”?

    In some way, I have changed, in some way not, because I am what I am and there are no excuses.

    These days, I do not write a diary – you can find my thoughts in Blogs or facebook and I am always trying to write it in Rhymes as a poem. Most of them in German, some in English.

    man created god??? As god building man, it was HER first try…

    If you ever decided to write a book, I am the first to by it, be sure of it, because it’s wonderful to read you and be near to a part of your thoughts, a part of your life.
    Thank you for it.

    And by the way – keep on swimming too…

    At last – I don’t know if you ever heard this “old” song from Gloria Gaynor, but it fits perfect to your theme…

    I am what I am
    I am my own special creation
    So come take a look
    Give me the hook or the ovation
    It is my world
    That I want to have a little pride in
    My world
    And it is not a place I have to hide in
    Life is not worth a damn
    Till you can say
    I am what I am

    I am what I am
    I don’t want praise I don’t want pity
    I bang my own drum
    Some think it’s noise I think it’s pretty
    And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
    Why not try to see things from a different angle
    Your life is a sham
    Till you can shout out
    I am what I am

    I am what I am
    And what I am needs no excuses
    I deal my own deck
    Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
    It is one life and there’s no return and no deposit
    One life so it’s time to open up your closet
    Life’s not worth a damn
    till you can shout out
    I am what I am…

    © Gloria Gaynor 1984

    © Song out of the musical „ La Cage aux Folles „ from Jerry Herman

    be safe out there in the world,


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