Dear Bent out of Wack Priorities,
I have been told to get you straight. So we are going to work as a team here and sort the lot of you out. There has been an in house shuffle. Please don’t blame yourselves, but some of you will have to go altogether. You know who you are. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve been great. Heaps of fun. Especially you Flirty-McFlirt-Face. Absolute blast. Especially when you collaborate with Drinky-Drunkard-Drinker. The pair a’ya have been a hoot. But you’re out. Cardboard boxes are on your desks. Reference is in the mail.
Now, Care-about-Career, you are really going to have to pick up the pace I’m afraid. You take too many vacations, and let’s be honest, you have only recently joined the team, so some loyalty wouldn’t go astray. Ta.
Body-Image-Bimbo you are unfortunately undergoing demotion. Your duties are being cut down. (But you still need to take me to the gym at least 3 times a week).
Family-First you have taken the biggest hit this year, I know. Tough times, tough times. But please stop threatening to hand in your resignation for Christ’s sake. We both know you aren’t going anywhere. So sit down and shut up.
I would also like to take this opportunity to introduce some new additions to the workforce. Would you all please join me in welcoming, Calm-And-Quiet-Weekends, Money-Saving-Madness and coming in as a casual, Take-Care-Of-Your-Belongings-Better-And-Stop-Staining-Your-Clothes.
Now back to work the lot of ya.