The Soldiers

Firstly, let me apologize if you think this post is a bit heavy. It’s not. It’s reality. And secondly, let me take that apology right back.

Suicide is a taboo topic as it is. It took me a very long time to answer people’s questions as to how I lost my little brother.

“My little brother committed suicide.”

I wasn’t comfortable with that sentence at all. I apologized for it. I never let it just sit in the air by itself. There was never a full stop at the end. It was always followed very quickly by apologies of sorts. Although I didn’t know that’s what they were at the time.

“…suicide – but it’s okay, he wasn’t depressed, it was just an accident.”

“…suicide – don’t feel bad though, we have all gotten through it and are a lot stronger.”

“…suicide – yeah you’d be surprised how common it is.”

Each of my ‘go-to’ nervous sentence-extensions basically said “sorry for making this uncomfortable, please don’t feel sorry for me and look over there, it’s a guy roller skating in a onsie!!!”

But there’s one man who makes me swallow all my sorrys. He makes me want to scream from the rooftops THIS IS A PROBLEM !!! He makes me know it’s okay to own it.

Because while all my ‘go-to’s were albeit unnecessary … they were true. Wilson wasn’t depressed. We are stronger. Suicide so unnecessarily, tragically, avoidably, frustratingly common.

And Matty Dee wants everybody to know it. He lost both his siblings to the demon of a thing.

Not only is Matty a dead set legend in his own right but he is also a Sergeant of life, death and grief. He is working excruciatingly hard to bring suicide into the spotlight. And providing support (and tee-shirts) for the rest of us left behind a little bewildered.

You might have lost someone to the darkness yourself. Maybe you have. Maybe you haven’t. Maybe you think about it yourself. Whoever you are, one thing I guarentee to you is that, in some way, suicide will reach you. It might be a friend, a sibling, a parent, a half-written note at the bottom of your underwear drawer, a cousin, a workmate or a moment of no self control. But it doesn’t have to. Join the revolution. Go big, go hard, stick around.


Meet Matty. He’s awesome.


10 Comments Add yours

  1. Brooke says:

    amaxing matti!

  2. Gallivanta says:

    You tell it like it is! ❀ But the video isn't coming up on the post 😦 Website link is good though.

    1. matissewb says:

      Is it working now?

      1. Gallivanta says:

        Nope. It says “Sorry. This video doesnot exist.”

      2. matissewb says:

        Just chasing Matty Dee up now!

        πŸ™‚ thanks for always being so lovely! X

      3. Gallivanta says:

        K I will check again later.

  3. Gallivanta says:

    K read the article now Mati. Thanks. Quite a life story.

  4. Gallivanta says:

    ” Directly after the quakes the city’s suicide rate dropped but Greater Christchurch, including the West Coast and Marlborough, had the biggest national jump in suicides last year, increasing from 89 in 2010/11 to 117 in 2011/12, preliminary statistics released by the chief coroner show.

    St John has received 209 self-harm or suicide-related calls in Christchurch so far this year, equating to more than one a day.’ That’s from our Press this morning. Just to support what you are saying about how THIS IS A PROBLEM.

  5. Dan says:

    This blog has broken me. How do you come back from something like that? I can’t even begin to imagine going through this.

    1. matissewb says:

      Hey Dan! You just learn to dance with the limp. πŸ˜‰ xxxx hope you’re super duper happy. There’s no other way to be!!! X

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