A PIECE BY MATISSE

About this blog

I started this blog in 2010, as a University project, only a couple of weeks after we lost my little brother to suicide. Naturally, over time, it has become much more to me.

A way for me to communicate to the sky. An online diary. A super unsubtle way to tell my ex-boyfriends what I wanted them to hear, but couldn’t fit into text messages, due to character count and likelihood of social banishment.

So it become a memory box for my most laughable days. A trove of ridiculous tidbits. And my questions. Oh so many questions! Questions about this world we inhabit. Made both of dirt and water, and what we create with our wild stories and catching ideas.

Nowadays, as I settle into my old(er) age, I try as hard as I might to pair some of those questions with a handful of possible answers. Together, they form this blog. My little anthology of essays about society, humanity, and all the wonders of us.

I hope you find some stories that speak to you.

The Stories

September Story List

Welcome to my story list, September edition. This is a list of the imaginary or reimagined worlds I have been inhabiting over the past month. Whether via books, podcasts, tv shows or films, this is a diary of where I’ve been. They are the tales I have travelled and the (sometimes fictional) people I’ve met…

First Loves And Forever Ever Afters

I don’t really know what my first love was. I think I started to fall in love with things fast and furiously from a young age. Jonathon Taylor Thomas might have been up there. Devon Sawa as Casper the Ghost wasn’t far behind. Heath Ledger forever. There was a boy at my primary school who…

Why are love stories so terrifying?

This month, I have been inhaling love stories. Where I am in my life right now, keeping an eye on middle-age as it lurks in from stage left, this is new. Or more accurately, it’s old. Love stories feel a bit nostalgic.  Love stories have not kept me awake in about half a decade. They…

Unpacking The Women’s Movement In Australia (For The Confused).

NOTE: This article is an intentional simplification of a complex concept, as a tool to meet people where they are. It does not attempt to capture or represent all the nuances of very real and interwoven layers of oppression. Just like any other social movement, the women’s movement is ever-changing and packed with many opinions,…

IT’S TIME FOR THE CLIMATE MOVEMENT TO ALSO TRANSITION.

From Anger to Optimism. The Climate Movement was born out of the deep dark silence of what industrialisation was doing to our planet. We were making Mother Earth sick and it seemed no one wanted to talk about it. Especially not the people holding the microphones. Not the CEO’s of the companies digging her wounds,…

The Great Cry of 2020. Are we listening?

Oh my. What a year. Something. Something is speaking. Can you hear it? It feels like the skies are screaming. Something out there, whatever you believe in (you beautiful soul on the other side of this screen). Whether it’s God, The Greater Universe, Dharma, whatever, whoever, can you hear it too? Something is speaking to…

Chat with beyond the narrative podcast

I had the pleasure of sitting down with the Beyond The Narrative team late last year to talk all things love and life, grief and my enthusiasm for ideas as big as the sky. To be honest, when I knew the podcast was coming out, I got a little nervous! I couldn’t remember exactly what…

An Open Letter To Everyone Trying To Sell Me Something

Get your shift together. As I watch the Australian skies blacken, the news channels go ticker-tape orange or decide whether or not it is smoke-safe to take my children outside, I feel the shift. As I talk to people in the street, in my office, on the phone, on Facetime, at the Post Office or…

#BAFFLED Why haven’t these things been invented?

Bula, Aloha, Hello, and Happy New Years to you beautiful people! It is I, Matisse! Here with you once again, sans my high horse (tied her up out back), with a coupla’ questiony questions about this wild wooly world. A few things just aren’t adding up and I want to get to the bottom of…

I have a complicated relationship with Fashion

If we are being honest (and I hope we are), I have always had a really complicated relationship with fashion. In my late teens and early twenties, the industry paid for many of my vodkas, my taxis, and sometimes in a good month, my rent. But only when my extra eyebrows and extra chest size…

Why Greta Thunberg is the real Mockingjay – and what activists can learn from her

Greta Thunberg, the 16 year old climate activist from Sweden, is quickly becoming the real life Mockingjay of this generation. Within a year, our very own teenage Katniss, has unified over 4 million people from 163 countries to go on strike and demand more action and less hogwash from leaders on climate change. Her message has resonated across the globe, regardless…

#BAFFLED ‘If you know you know’ and I do not know.

This is SUCH a common occurrence in my life, I should be sponsored by Google. Honestly. I spend a good amount of my youthful(ish) existence googling the meanings of things, the backstory, the explanation, just to receive but an incy wincy clue as to the what in the high heck is-a-goin on. It’s like wisdom…

#BAFFLED – What in the lipstick, Jacyln?

Welcome once more, to #BAFFLED … a series of notes for the utterly confused, truly perplexed and entirely bamboozled by pop-culture hot button topics. Hello again. As previously mentioned (right here) I am Matisse, the captain of this adorable lost ship. As I too, have not a clue. And certainly not an opinion. Nor slither of…

#BAFFLED … for the utterly confused

WELCOME TO #BAFFLED … a series of notes for the utterly confused, truly perplexed and entirely bamboozled by the pop-culture hot button topics. This is a safe space for those who do not yet have tea to spill or a furious opinion to share. Nay, tis for those whoth hath not the faintest idea of…

Who knows… maybe I’ll start writing again.

I brought sparkles and sequins and leopard print. But the two things I forgot to pack are pen and paper. Which was so silly. I seem to have forgotten. The flights to and from Las Vegas are the first time in a long time I have spent time with myself. Not by myself. But WITH…

Self-Care Don’t Currrrr

Hello again party people let’s make some noise !!! Just kidding. Let’s do this quietly. The kids are asleep. SO! I have yet another (fab) idea to impart on you. Try it on. Shimmie around. See how you like it. Firstly let us agree, that the new it-term for mummies, for movers & shakers, for…

Dear 20-somethings …

Ladies and Gentle-People it is time to do another blog! For those of you who have been loyally following my journey of life via the ol INSTA-STORY today, you will know I am a teeny tiny bit drunk. Which actually serves as teeny tiny reminder for me to go and serve myself another glass of…

My Second Mum Post! Two For Two…

(*Gets coffee. *Sits down to write blog. *Thinks to self: Gosh. What AREN’T I an expert in. *Sips coffee with a smile.) Hello again all of you out there! So, since we last had a (one-way) conversation I have birthed yet another child. It was becoming a bit of a habit. (Don’t worry. I think I’ve…

Dear Baby

How I disappeared when I found out I was pregnant. How that confused me. How I got my dreams back.

Bare And Bubbles 

How I got sick and it was so scary. How I got better and never felt more grateful.

You Win Some, You Lose Some. And If You’re Smart, You Let A Lot Go.

I’m currently sitting at the Ronald Reagan Airport in Washington DC. Writing this on my phone. Looking out at the city skyline. Eating a turkey sandwhich. (I’m so American now you can call me Matishiqa.) It’s a been a whirlwind of a week. We had three solid days of planning meetings in our USA headquarters,…

Here Is The Story Of The Dream Diary

In 2013 I had a bit of a ‘Dream Diary’ Debacle some may say. I’m sure it’s a common pickle. I was living in Sydney working in the PR department of a POPular Radio Station. (More Taytay Sweezy than Lil Weezy.) One Thursday, my boss left the office to attend an urgent meeting in Melbourne.…

Heart Child

As Originally Seen in Current Issue of Mai Life Style Magazine…   HEART CHILD By Matisse Walkden-Brown People usually don’t like talking about their internal fear, their deepest sadness, their fragility. The things that rattle our bones, reach beyond our learned thoughts and talk straight to the soul of our inner 8 year old’s who…

Growing Pains

When I was about 13 years old I remember my legs hurting during the night. They would ache. Stretching and extending and pushing my muscles to the limit. Beginning their journey to rise (quite literally) to the 6 foot tall challenge. All unbeknownst to me of course. Growing Pains. Don’t get me wrong, I was…

I Have Just Wrapped Up One Of The Most Amazing Days Of My Life

I am now in my Bob Marley Rasta pants and borrow sun-bleached surf tee, inside my cabin on the crew deck of the Rainbow Warrior. I have new epic shells on my desk, another island to add to the “must come back” list, more people to hug when I see them again and a brain-space…

Dear Blog. I Am Okay. And On Board The Rainbow Warrior.

Dear Blog. I haven’t forgotten you. If anything I think of you most days. I don’t think about what I want to use you for, what I need you to help me say, or even how you are doing if we are being honest. I think about you with gratitude. Because I am writing. Everyday.…

Grudges Aren’t My Thing. And Turns Out Judges Aren’t Either.

I’m going to tell you about last week. It was raining against my window and my heart was soaked. There were cyclones. One in the sky. The meanest of the mean. Her name was Pam. She was coming for us and then decided to let us off easy. There were others though. There were typhoons…

The Love Story

I have a story I want to tell. It is called, The Love Story. It is about a man and a woman. When they first met, they adored everything about each other. The man was smart and strong and the woman, fierce and free. One morning, they went for a walk on a beach. The…

Here Is The Story Of Having My Clothes Stolen

Since being back in Australia for a week or so, I have thrown a few little tantrums and gone on many more a rant and rave over everyone’s obsession with their phones. I even cheekily said at a party on the weekend…. “Gosh I should have stayed in Fiji. Then we could have chatted on…

Dear Bubba 3

2 days ago… it was 5 years since my family and the world lost you. My little brother. It has been a sad, difficult, heart-wrenching, aching, complex and bittersweet journey that I would not wish upon anyone. Although it is unfortunately something as humans, we will all be touched with one day or another. One…

Instagram Island

It seems like these days, everybody has a sunset, a swim, a coconut or a horse in their day to day life. Everybody has a tan, a laugh, a natural beauty, a wild side. Everybody has a phantom photographer on a secluded beach. Everybody has Instagram. I am one of the guilty. Hands up (for…

Beautiful Blank Books

I watch an MTV show called Catfish. I first saw the original documentary in 2010 with a group of friends in Newtown, Sydney. Back then, I thought the story was interesting and eerie and really liked the main characters. I did not think too much more about it. Since being back in Australia on holiday…

Here Is The Story Of Jetstar Sucking

I have been back in Australia less than 24 hours and have somehow already summoned the Federal Police. This morning I got up at 6:30am, put on my new silver shorts, white tee, island shells… Packed my leather backpack full of silk clothes and a stack of brochures for The Beachouse. Today. Byron Bay. Gypsy…

This Happened To A Friend Of Mine 3

A friend of mine recently got out of a relationship that can only be described as a catastrophically bad idea. It was one of those unions that you hear about over wine, shake your head and say “Nooooo Waaaay!” Both parties had previously dated each other’s close friends, he was the notorious ‘Mean Boy’ and…

Set Your Fairy Lights To Random

The hardest place to be is exactly where you are. One of my most cherished wrote this on her Facebook Wall recently. If anyone has ever known that little pixie or me… they would know that “hardship” doesn’t entail cruelty or punishment or even real boredom. It usually includes beaches and epic work schedules. I…

Get Out Of Your Own Way

Last night I went to a Sydney Writers Festival Talk with two of my close friends. It was a Friday night and for awhile, I was simply impressed by our choice of weekend activity. SO Grown -Up. That was until the usher had to tell me twice I was not allowed to take wine into…

The Peace Promise

A few weeks ago I saw a picture of a little Syrian boy. He was sitting on a grungy hospital bed. Blood around his neck. He was crying. The story that held the little hand of this picture… was titled, “I’m going to tell God everything.” These were also the 4year-olds last words. He died…

Two Thousand And Fourteen

So I have moved back to Fiji. I do not know why yet. But anyway. This morning over breakfast my dad was telling a story to a group of spear-fisherboys and my cousin. It was about when I got drunk and took the 40horsepower boat to Vatulele island. And how I ran out of power-juice…

How Much For Your Butter?

To put this as graciously as I can, if I am selling my jugs of milk for $2.50 … but you are Swedish, only here on holiday and don’t mind giving them away for 20c… it more or less messes up the marketplace. Do you follow? Understand? Comprende? Begrijpen?

Hey Babe, So Brave Of You To Show Your Face Here

Getting older comes with a lot of crappy things. Medical cover. Mammograms. Matching linen with your teal trimmings. It also comes with some good stuff too. Clarity. The ability to stand up for yourself. And a genuine Zero Tolerance policy for bitchy dramatics. I am thankful that I now know the difference. Between being from…

Here Is The Story That Proves I’m Totally Psychic.

When I was little I had a very strict morning routine. I would wake up in my wooden boat-bed filled with sunrise enthusiasm and quickly bound into my parents’ room.“Do you guys want to know what I dreamed last night?” Jumping straight in between the groggy pair, I would launch into the most interesting, enthralling…

Birds Of A Feather

I have a tattoo on my arm. It is a feather. It is maroon and looks like henna. I got it on my brother, Cormac’s, 17th birthday. I have another tattoo on my back. It is Wilson’s name. I got that one because I wanted to keep him close. I decided on a feather this…

Little Mitch 2

Mitch called back again tonight. If you don’t know who Mitch is you are missing out on a little ray of sunshine. This is Mitch I wrote on a piece of paper “please Angus if you get a second can you please do a shout-out for nine year old Mitch and tell Australia he loves…

Here Is The Story Of The Stupid Bunk Bed

‘Disappointed’ would be the understatement of the week and a half. I blame the manner in which this bunk bed found its way into my life, for all disaster that followed.

The Soldiers Of Suicide

Firstly, let me apologize if you think this post is a bit heavy. It’s not. It’s reality. And secondly, let me take that apology right back. Suicide is a taboo topic as it is. It took me a very long time to answer people’s questions as to how I lost my little brother. “My little…

Little Mitch

The cutest thing since Rudy Huxtable just happened. A little boy named Mitch called the radio show I work on. He told me what his name was and that he was 9 years old. He asked me if we could please play a song for a girl named Zoe. He was very shy. I told…

Love A Good Theory…

I love a good theory. That is why I called this post ‘Love a good theory’. (#perfecttitle)

Over the weekend some friends and I came up with a coupla’ crackers…

Here Is The Story Of The Felafel Earring

Firstly. That is certainly not the way I thought you spelt felafel. I would have guessed faluffel. But that’s not the point. Fell. Laugh. Fell. (Whateverly Beverly) So I was on my way back from my stint in the country- my December of sunrises on horseback and baby steer testicles (more on that another time)….…

Dear Dreams

Dear Dreams, I know I’ve been cutting down your time to shine. I have been squeezing you in like my boobs in that blue C cup. (Apologies to both of you. Well. All three of you.) Anyway. McDreamtime. It’s time to make a come back. I promise to stop watching so much Catfish. (It’s so…

“Matisse, Did You Just Wink At The Bartender?”

Today is my last day of being 24. 24 is a good number I think. Nice easy even numbers. 24 hours in a day. (Then of course there is that beer carton joke that goes along with that) I am a fan of this age for simpler reasons though. At 24, I am still closer…

Hey Good Karma! I’m Over Here!

I felt like a pirate. With a treasure chest of stolen dollar-dollar-bills-yall. I was flying on the high seas of payroll mishaps! Captain Mat Sparrow! But somehow it didn’t feel right. Digging into my yoghurt cup I knew something was wrong. I felt a little sick and I am so not lactose intolerant.

Reasons I Believe I Am An Adult

I’ll have you know, my preoccupation with all things teenage Disney pop princess aside…. I am in fact a fully grown adult. And here’s the proof

Be Nice To Your Waitress

Don’t be a bitch to the waitress in front of your date. This usually results in him leaving his digits on the back the receipt docket. For the .. well.. the waitress.

To Run Or Not To Run?

I also kinda maybe feel like… if more people took a vow of steady pace, of making up their mind, of walking to their own beat…. we could have saved Mufasa. Just saying.

Dear Bubba 2

Dear Bubba, Another day another year. I’m not one for milestones. Everyday is big. Everyday is something. Someone once told me…. Don’t think of it like you’ll never see him again. Think of it like a set of stairs. Everyday day, Everyday year, you climb another step. And he’s just waiting patiently at the top.…

Lessons Learned The Long Way Round 7

November has gone. And now December has come a hollering in all it’s fairy lit and festive glitz and glam!! So more things to note. More conversations had. More mistakes made. Here we go… 1- Don’t dance on the street while holding up a big sign saying “Honk if you’re partner needs to lose weight.”…

Live From The Arias!

Guys- currently in the media room at the Arrrrrias drinking sugar free red bull. What an incredible day. It was sweltering hot and the girls were smoking hot. We got to the “black carpet” after lunch and swapped camera faulting war stories. Ah the media. The sun belted down on everybody. I hope Taytay, aka…

My Little Friend

Friendships are funny. They can be confusing and all-consuming. I sometimes wonder if all species bother with making friends. Like… do gecko’s spend thursday nights on the roof with their family but saturday night out partying on the grass with their homie G’s? (G is for Gecko- obviously). I really hope they do. I guess…

Here Is The Story Of ‘Bee’ing Stung In The Face

Like every good story this one has morals, tragedies, moments of comedy, tears, laughter, policemen, gang war victims, glow sticks, dogs, vomit, guidos, boobs and lots and lots of chicken kebabs. I was tired. I had been awake since 1am. I sauntered home from work at midday listening to Biggy Smalls. He kept telling me…

Lessons Learned The Long Way Round 6

1) Cookies expand in the oven. You can’t just make letters, love hearts and peace signs. They literally turn into blobs. (Quite upsetting really) 2)  Don’t get confused by intrigue. 9 times out of 10, people just want to get a closer look. Doesn’t mean they’ll like what they see……. (shooooooould have gone to specsavers…

Here Is The Story Of Being Bogged On The Beach….

At 8.30am we drove out of Bondi in a Pajero filled with Books, Blankets and Blue Cantrell. We drove fast. Got the hell outta there! This time around it was so much colder than we remembered. Faces were Sour. Friends were Strangers. And the sushi sucked. It is the mecca of paradoxes! The most colourful…

Some Say There Is A Castle In The Sky

Some say there is a castle in the sky. Some say there is an inevitable script. Some say there is a big load of absolutely Nothing. An eternal field of bright darkness. People say a lot of things. Not many of them make any sense whatsoever. But whatever there is. The greater universe can have…

Lessons Learned The Long Way Around 5

1- Cities are cold. Even in the sun. 2- Freedom can be overrated. It really just means ‘single and unemployed’. 3- Weakness is very unattractive. 4- Fate doesn’t rule the world. Plans do. 5- Foxtel is too good. I forgot how good it is. But I’ll tell you right now. It’s freaking good. It REWINDS…

Dear Chaos

Dear Chaos, How you doing old friend? I’ve been pretty good over here. You know, sunny days, soft music etc etc. I know we catch up from time to time, but I felt I needed to write. I’m sure you have noted my absence of late. And I didn’t want to leave you completely without…

Lessons Learned The Long Way Round 4

1- If you are patient… Life can exceed your expectations. 2- Do not overdo the pineapple. Trust me on the this. 3- Treat your friends with tenderness.  It is the little blonde things you sun bake next to, who truly settle your soul. 4- Nothing beats an old school beat. 5- Except maybe… an old school beat……

Lessons Learned The Long Way Round 3

1. Never put your paddle board between you and the wave. It will not shield  you. It will wack you in the head. 2. Live your life. Not someone elses. Not one from a movie. Not one from a book. Not the one that looks the best on facebook. 3. Sugar in your coffee isn’t…

Here Is The Story Of Being Punched In The Face

Twas a rainy Sydney Saturday. I was hungover. I can’t remember why now actually… Oh yeah that’s right. Boozy dinner in Bondi. Leaving the party to go skinny dipping with Connie. Floating in the ocean at 3am. Talking about being unapologetically true to yourself. And other groundbreaking discussions. Single vs Attached etcetera etcetera. So. Sydney,…

Lessons Learned The Long Way Round 2

1- Just because you drink vodka in the same club… doesn’t mean they are your friends. 2- Don’t nail hooks into the walls of your rental. The Landlord sharnt be happy. 3- Sand is very difficult to get out of a handbag. 4-A Kookai dress is always a risk. 5- Don’t sing Dixie Chicks at Karaoke. Not…

Lessons Learned The Long Way Round 1

1- When you learn a lesson don’t repeat it. It makes people think you are incredibly stupid. 2- Don’t worry so much about people think. 3- You hate wearing High Heels.  You’ve known this for years. So don’t get convinced. You’ll end up walking home alone (very slowly). 4- A pie for breakfast is not…

I Don’t Remember The Funeral, Or Driving Off The Road

If someone asked me how it all happened, I don’t think I would be able to answer them. I mean, I could rattle something off about champagne, hitchhiking, fairy lights, a boat on the Southport harbour, a funeral, and how the dress that I chose to wear, was free when you purchased a $5.95 magazine.…

Sometimes On Sunday’s I Want To Go Home

Sometimes on Sundays. They say – think big. See that box? Think big. They say- never stop. See that sky? Never stop. They say- want more. See that home? Want more. I went away this weekend. Saw sparkles on dresses with promises of free champagne. Saw a city of autumn leaves like a 2 dollar…

My Favourite Thing About Being A Model Is Photoshop.

Dear God. I used to HATE being half way through hair and make-up and having a stranger poking my eyes with eyeliner. Someone behind me chewing gum and pulling my hair. Teasing it. Fluffing it. Everyone would be talking about creative genius. I was usually busting to go to the toilet. But then. I dont know…. after…

Welcome To The Sunrise

New years eve smelt like salt water and barbecue. As it should. New years eve is the sea, lamb chops and a beach bonfire. It is drunk backpackers and slurry Irish accents. It saying you are the boss’s teenage daughter can’t be his midnight kiss. It is doing it anyway. New years eve is home,…

Dear Bubba 1

Last night I saw you, on a green oval, running a race. Like that one you ran around the grounds of your school. With the boy in the silly shoes. You were laughing which was good. Every time I tried to stop you, you’d say ‘gotta keep going, see you in a bit.’ And off…

Moved To A New Town. And A Suburb Named Newtown.

I brought pictures. And my guitar. Clothes and anklets. A cork board. Five big black letters. D. R. E. A. and M. My friend gave them to me. When she first handed them to me and I pulled them all out of the pretty paper bag I thought ‘why has she bought me the word…

Dear Priorities

Dear Bent out of Wack Priorities, I have been told to get you straight. So we are going to work as a team here and sort the lot of you out. There has been an in house shuffle.  Please don’t blame yourselves, but some of you will have to go altogether. You know who you…

My Scrapbook

FIJI 2005 MELBOURNE 2007 GOLD COAST 2009 NEW YORK 2006 GOLD COAST 2009 SOMEWHERE OVER THE ATLANTIC 2006 BRISBANE 2007 CHINA 2004                           FIJI 2004 …for ever coming, and miss him like crazy) SYDNEY 2006 SADNESS 2010 TASMANIA 2005 FIJI 2009 FIJI 2009…

This Happened To A Friend of Mine 1

A friend of mine has been with her boyfriend for two years now. They have done everything together. They jumped out of the sky together, seen snow on Christmas Eve together, and with locked arms, sharing one oxygen tank they have plummeted beneath the ocean together. Okay so the latter really just proves they completed…